Fathers' Day -- Shifting The Sun

Fathers’ Day raises a wide range of emotions and reflections for me, giving me a rollercoaster ride of thoughts.  This poem helps me sort all of that out, and make some sense out of being a son of a number of men who were dads to me.

Today, I was a dad to a young man in prison.  We were out in the garden, admiring his gazebo he had built.  It is his first experience with wood, hammers, nails, and drills.  He has struggled with its design and construction, but has accepted the help of others, and has applied his own talents, and his own eye for beauty and simplicity.

His gazebo is a work of art, and his very own creation. It looks good, and fits well with the rest of the garden.

I expressed to him my thoughts on its stability, its beauty.  He tried to put himself and his creativity down, but I kept at him, praising him and his talents.  He told me he wanted his dad to be happy with it and tell him he liked it, but he was afraid of letting his dad know what he had built.

I saw that familiar fear of rejection, that sense of “I am not good enough” in his face.

I became his dad for a few precious moments, letting him hear words of praise and adulation fill his ears. I let him know he was a good man, a man of talent and ability.

He smiled, and shook my hand.  And, perhaps, in all of those few minutes, there was a feeling that he was, indeed, a man of worth, a man of value and talent.  And, there was a dad in his life who thought he was worth something after all.

Shifting the Sun

When your father dies, say the Irish,
you lose your umbrella against bad weather.
May his sun be your light, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the Welsh,
you sink a foot deeper into the earth.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the Canadians,
you run out of excuses.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the French,
you become your own father.
May you stand up in his light, say the Armenians.

When you father dies, say the Indians,
he comes back as the thunder.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the Russians,
he takes your childhood with him.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the English,
you join his club you vowed you wouldn’t.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.

When your father dies, say the Armenians,
your sun shifts forever.
And you walk in his light.

~ Diana Der-Hovanessian ~

A Letter To My Neighbor On His High School Graduation

I was honored and delighted to receive your graduation announcement. I imagine it has been a long journey, but now you can celebrate an accomplishment in your life. And, the one who achieved it, and did the hard work was you.

This simply proves that you are capable of accomplishing something, if you are determined and set your mind to it. As you have learned in wrestling, it is your mental attitude that is the key. The body will follow, and the mind will follow, but once you set your course, then you can realize your dreams.

As you leave high school, and as you leave Tillamook to begin yet another adventure, I have a few things to say to this handsome, strong, ambitious neighbor of mine. It has been a joy to watch you grow and mature in the years we have been neighbors and friends.

I am proud of your accomplishments and I am proud of who you are. You are a good man. I hope you see that inside of yourself, and can give yourself that recognition.

President Obama gave a great high school graduation speech last week. I think his ideas and his observations are right on. Here are some of them:

Don’t be defined by where you come from, but by where you want to go.
You can create your own culture of caring and learning.
Success can happen anywhere. You can create success.
You will be what you intend to be, and that will be the result of education.
Education takes many forms, and education is always available. And, I’m not just talking about “school”. Every experience offers education.
Be a life long learner.
A formal education gives you options you don’t have without that education. Options are always good to have.
Learn how to learn.
Education teaches you the value of discipline.
The best rewards come from sustained effort and hard work, not instant gratification.
Learn to be a better human being.
Success comes from following the Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated.
Qualities of a successful person:
empathy
discipline
the capacity to solve problems
the capacity to think critically

“These skills don’t just change how the world sees us, they change how we see ourselves. They allow each of us to seek out new horizons and new opportunities with confidence, with the knowledge we are ready, that we can face obstacles and challenges and unexpected setbacks. That’s the power of your education. That’s the power of the diploma you that you receive today.” (President Obama)

And, now its me talking.

Believe in yourself. I believe in you. Your parents believe in you. Your teachers believe in you. Your friends believe in you. Your community believes in you. But, if you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t grow, you won’t achieve, and you won’t be very happy in life.

Life will teach you lessons. If you don’t learn a lesson, life will make sure you repeat the lesson until you learn it. Mistakes are great teachers. Most mistakes can be avoided by being the good learner, and practicing patience and persistence.

Ask for advice and direction. We’ve all traveled down the path of life, and there is a lot of wisdom around. Take advantage of that. As the proverb says, pride goes before the fall. You are full of proudful machismo. Put that energy and that passion to good use, and not in flexing your biceps and roaring loudly.

When you look for a good partner in life, be patient and choose well. Be picky. Be honest. Look for someone who supports you and someone you will support in your journeys through life. You will keep growing, so look for the person who will help you grow well and to where you want to be going.

You now get to make your own rules. You now get to set your own course in life. So, be the good captain of the ship.

When you play, play well and play safe. Play in the way that refreshes your soul and provides you with meaning in your life. Allow yourself to be challenged. The strong tree grows best in the wind and allows the wind to bend its branches.

Respectfully,


Neal C. Lemery