Letter
to a Young Man Who Is Wondering If He Should Pursue His Education
Ah, grad school.
Of course, the answer is YES.
Education is one of the few things in life that is truly
yours, that stays with you throughout your life. No one gets to steal it from you or tell you
that you can’t have it, use it, and treasure it.
Developing your mind is one of the great opportunities a
person has to truly grow and become what you potentially can be in life.
It is a lifelong journey, this education of one’s
self. I’m a lifelong learner, and have a
burning curiosity about the world and everything that is in it. And, part of that is learning about me, how I
learn, how I think, how I see myself in this world. And, who I am, who I have been, how I have
been conditioned and trained to live.
Sometimes, what I learn about myself isn’t all chocolate
and roses, either. I am flawed, imperfect,
not who I think I am capable of being.
Well, good to know, so now I am challenged to improve myself, to change,
and to become better, more of the person I can be. More importantly, I can become the person I
should be.
So, you haven’t done this before. This challenge is new and different, and you
have your doubts, your uncertainties.
Good, because that has also been true for you (and for me
and for other thinking people) for every stage in our lives. And, it will continue. That doubting, uncertainty, is part of the
growing process, part of the fuel that gets us out of bed in the morning, and
ready to keep learning and growing.
Yesterday, C*** was talking about the chicks that are
starting to hatch. Hatching is an enormous
struggle. They have to do it on their
own. If they get help, then they likely
die. They have to turn themselves in the
egg, positioning themselves in one end of the egg, by tucking their heads under
their right wing, and making the move.
Then, they have to peck a hole in the shell, to take their first breath
of air. Slowly, they peck around a
circle, so they have an opening to push themselves out of the shell and into
the world.
It is hard work.
They are exhausted. But, now they can grow and achieve their destiny.
We are like chicks.
We have to struggle, and the struggle often takes a long time. We develop, we breathe, and we gain our
strength. Much of the work is done on
our own.
In that work, we find that we really do have the stamina,
the resiliency, the determination to accomplish something. We own it.
It is ours, this work, this moving ahead in our lives.
Others think that you can do this work, that you are
worthy of it. You need to hear their
voices and to realize that you are being supported and encouraged. We all need that.
So much of this world is about relationship. Yesterday, several of us in the garden had
the opportunity to have a lesson on “please and thank you”. One youth didn’t think it was important, that
he could just ask for something, and he’d get that, without those “unnecessary
words”. Yet, those words are part of the
relationship, the social contract we need to have in society to get things done
and to interrelate with other people.
Grad school and the whole college experience is part of
that process. Working together, and
finding the role for you that helps get things done, that brings out your own
unique strengths and tools, which also need to fit with others’ strengths and
tools. The collective effort, the
collective process.
“College” means a collaboration, a collective
process.
You can have all the brains in the world, but if you
can’t work with others, and communicate and interrelate, and collectively move
forward with shared ideas and direction, then you are lost, and not very
effective in life.
I think it’s important to have those college experiences
where you interact and interrelate, where you collaborate. So much of life is based on those skills and
those experiences.
Your guitar lessons are more than music theory and
getting better at a particular song or chord pattern or strumming pattern. It is interaction, listening, responding,
contributing, and collaborating.
One of the primary functions I serve when I come to OYA
(the youth prison where I mentor youth) is to be a teacher of social skills. It
is how to have coffee with someone, how to play cards, or talk. It is how to repot a plant together, or
analyze a plant pest. Something more
than the outwardly mundane task is going on.
I’m working as a judge again, part time, for a few
months. So much of that work is about
diagnosing and healing relationships, and getting people to interact with each
other in an efficient, healthy way. The
law is a tool for that, but the real work is the human interaction, where
people can communicate in a productive, positive way. In many ways, judging is trying to heal
society and social interactions.
And, so is the work of the educated person, working in
relationship, and being effective in that work.
Bringing people and ideas together, and developing solutions that are
effective and meaningful. There’s a lot
of education going on.
When I finished law school and the bar exam, I thought,
well, my education is over with.
Ha! That work had only just
begun. I continue to teach myself, to
have others teach me, and for me to teach others.
Grad school is about honing those skills, sharpening your
mind so that you are even a better teacher.
I don’t want you to finish grad school when you are still
at OYA. There’s the whole collaborative,
collegial interaction process that you need to experience. I want you to explore the swamp with your
fellow students, and muck around together, collaborating, interacting, and
learning about each other.
Yeah, you are great at learning theory and the technical
stuff on line and in books. But, I also
want you to roll up your sleeves and interact with people like yourself, and
really get to know each other, and have to work together, to collaborate. Yes, to be “collegial”.
You worry about what you would do if you don’t get into
grad school while you are at OYA, and “have a year and a half with nothing to
do”.
Grad school can wait.
You are young. If you don’t find
the “perfect fit” for you now, then there are reasons for that, and there are
more opportunities in the future. And,
your education isn’t miraculously done when you turn 25 either. It is a lifelong journey.
In that year and a half, you can create other options,
other opportunities. You have a unique
perspective, and you can teach others what you have learned, you can create new
experiences for youth, and you can become a better researcher and writer.
You are also not limited in how many degrees you can get
in your life, or skills that you develop and improve.
I took a year and a half off between college and law
school. That time gave me great
experiences, and I became a better, more purposeful person. That time made me a better lawyer, father and
husband. It was not “wasted” time. I had a great job, which taught me so much
about the world, and about myself.
We all have choices.
We all have barriers. We can all
sabotage our own efforts and our own opportunities, because we think we are
“not good enough”. Yet, we have
choices. We can choose to see life as a
barrier, or as an opportunity.
My brief time with your Aunt *** allowed me to hear her
very clearly impart to you some great wisdom, including looking at this time in
your life as a great opportunity, a time to really see your own potential and
your own skills, and do something with all that.
You heard her say that, from her heart, and you took that
message deep into your own heart. Choose
that message as your family legacy, and build something with it.
You are not wasting your time. You are, in fact, doing great things to improve
yourself and to expand your potential. I
hope you see that, and treasure all that for what it is—an enormous personal
asset.
You know how to learn.
You know how to move ahead. You know many of your skills and talents,
and you know how to gain more skills and talents. Most people don’t know that, and the
challenge of teaching others is to light that candle of passion and self
curiosity, so that people can really see what potential they have.
So many of your peers haven’t lit that bonfire for themselves. They see the water glass of their lives as
half empty, maybe even dry, rather than half full and having the potential of
being a great flowing spring of water that will abundantly nourish their
lives.
You’ve told me that one of your dreams is to make or
raise a lot of money, so that others in prison can fully realize their
dreams. You are learning how to do that
for yourself right now, so you really are researching how to implement your
dream. That is good work. Be proud of that work, and that dream.
This is a good time in life for you, and you are in a
good process and experience. Enjoy
it. Enjoy the doubts, the barriers, the
struggles. There is no “bad outcome” in
all of this. It is part of the journey.
Respectfully,
Neal Lemery
